Babies do not come with instruction manuals. Children can be at once happy, sad, confused, predictable, kind, generous, selfish, and mean. What can a parent do when confronted with such perplexing children? Parents often feel confused by the complicated interactions between parent, child, and environment. Parents may look for answers in parenting books.
There are thousands of parenting books available for sale. But the big question is: do parenting books work?
It is difficult to say how effective these books are, given that there is no scientific evidence of their effectiveness. Self-help books that focus on solving a specific problem may be useful for readers. Think about tips regarding time management and healthy eating. Psychologists call it bibliotherapy. Studies have shown that reading books to improve your well-being is effective in addressing anxiety, depression, and stress.
It makes sense, then, that reading parenting books could be helpful. However, in terms of usefulness and quality, both are on a spectrum.
We are scholars in human development. We have taught thousands about parenting, and we write about family, parenting, and development throughout the lifespan. Denise and Bethany are both mothers of young children. Bethany is one of the two adults. We believe parents can learn to be critical readers and select the books most suitable for themselves. When you are looking for the right parenting book, you should ask yourself five questions.
Who wrote the poem and why?
No, a Ph.D. is not required to be a good parent. A degree in a parenting-related field can help you understand and interpret relevant research.
The experience of the writer is another factor to consider. A person is not an expert just because they have one child or twelve. Parenting is not something that you can become better at by doing more. It’s important to consider that not having a kid doesn’t make someone less of an expert. It’s fair that we taught parenting classes even before we had children. Our own parenting experiences, however, have given us more depth, insight, and grace in what and how we teach.
It can be helpful to know why someone wrote a book on parenting. It would be best if you took advice from authors who are expressing their frustration about their upbringing or have failed as parents.
Don’t be fooled by celebrity books. Ghostwriters usually write these books, and they are designed to build brands or sell books.
2. Does it have a scientific basis?
Laurence Steinberg, a psychologist and parenting specialist, writes that scientists have been studying parenting for more than 75 years. The findings about effective parenting are some of the most consistent in social science. It’s not surprising that parenting books differ. “Few popular books are based on well-documented scientific.”
How can you tell whether a book has a scientific basis? You can tell if a book is based on science by looking for citations and names of researchers. Also, an index will help you. Learn the principles of effective parenting based on decades of research and as outlined by Steinberg. These include being consistent, loving your children, showing respect, and avoiding harsh punishment.
Rethink the advice given by the book if it is inconsistent with these guidelines. It’s likely not based on science but rather opinion or personal beliefs. Opinions and beliefs have their place, but in this case, science is more appropriate.
3. What is it like to read?
You are less likely to learn from a book that is not engaging. You should read the first few pages of a book and then flip through to the middle page to see if you are interested. Find books you can skim through, read in smaller chunks, and come back to later.
Avoid books with “psychobabble” – pseudoscientific jargon which has a sense of authenticity but is not clear. In the description of “The Indigo Children : The New Kids Have Arrived,” the publisher states, “The Indigo Child” is a child that displays a unique and unusual set of psychological attributes, revealing a pattern in behavior that has never been documented before. Parents and teachers must change the way they treat and raise them to achieve balance. “To ignore these new patterns could potentially cause great frustration in these precious young lives’ minds.” Pass.
4. Is it possible?
Avoid any book that tells you that its method is always successful or any failures are your fault – or worse, ignore them.
There is no way to advise every parent, child, or situation. A good parenting book will acknowledge context and complexity and let the reader know that the book does not have all the answers. Acknowledging weaknesses and failings leads to growth, and no parent is perfect. Even parents who are doing everything right can have children who turn out to be wayward.
Make sure that the book contains instructions, things to do, and ways to track improvement. Make certain the book is actionable.
A parenting book must respect the instincts of parents.
5. Is it a source of inspiration and motivation?
You may find that some parenting books provide insights on general behavior, such as ” Raising a Good Human.” In contrast, others offer specific insights, such as ” Safe Infant Sleep: Expert Answers for Your Cosleeping Question.”
But a word of caution. A study revealed that books on parenting that emphasize strict routines regarding infant sleep, feeding, and general care could make parents worse off by increasing their depression, stress, and doubt. Research on parenting does not support routines that are too strict. It’s understandable why these parents didn’t find the books helpful.
Trust yourself
You want to read parenting books so that you feel empowered, confident, motivated, and maybe even relieved. You are not the only one with questions, nor are your concerns unique.
The psychologist Edward Zigler describes parenting as the “most challenging and complex ” of all adult tasks.
Parenting can be difficult. You’ll need to use all the tools and resources you can find in your parenting adventure. You can enhance your wisdom and intuition by reading books that are critical and thoughtful.
